As I sit here looking out over the beautiful view and life I have created for myself, I am reflecting on my morning, my month just gone as well as the year which is almost behind us also. This morning I was faced with many choices. Whether to exercise, whether to eat, whether to argue or go for a swim. Whether to sit and do this blog post and some other work I have to do or whether to let yet another day go by where I create distractions and then make them relevant as to why I haven’t done, or why I did the things I did whilst all the time feeling this weight (sometimes light, sometimes heavy) hang over me.
There are things that I have given up on in my lifetime, some for which I do not have regret and some for which I do. For example, I do not regret leaving neither my first husband nor my daughter’s father and yet in saying that I do realise that I could have changed the outcome of those relationships had I had known then what I know now. But, had I have been this woman then, I certainly would not have chosen those men, as I am not the young girl I was back then. I heard an article quoting Deborra Lee Furness once, and in it she had said, “You pick your relationships based on your self worth”. This really struck a chord for me. I use my relationship now for many reasons. I use it to grow as a woman and to keep me grounded when I need to be. I use it to self reflect and to support my dreams and myself. I use it for comfort and for the allowance of familiarity. I use it for strength when I lack the self-belief needed to push on the extra mile and get through the day or the years ahead with my business and life goals. However, these are all the beautiful things I use and need my relationship for but there have also been times and still are, ugly sides that I use my relationship/s for. These times have been extremely hurtful, nasty, dangerous and quite frankly, unacceptable. Yesterday I was reminded of these times whilst listening to a friend and also whilst reflecting on the choices of another friend currently. I felt sad, I felt guilty, I felt frustrated, disappointment but mostly I felt responsible. A responsibility to myself and others to become the leader I am and to deliver a way of living and being that not only surpasses that bullshit but that also inspires us daily.
This leads me to another conversation that I had yesterday and also this morning with two of my girlfriends. You see lately I haven’t been giving life my all. This has made me look at the fact that I never really have for longer than was “comfortable”. You see I had spent nearly 30 odd years living life with patterns, programming and behaviour’s that were based on my past experiences as well as others beliefs and programming. I had spent over 30 years behaving in a way that quite frankly, I was totally unconscious that I was being. The last 10 + years I have been re educating myself with courses, programs, books, seminars and audios that have presented me with new ways to consider being and living. Notice I said consider? You see one thing that has stood out to me more so than anything is that we all have choice. We make choices based on what we know, what we want to know, what we have learned or what we want to learn. We make choices based on comfort or discomfort and the list goes on. I like many did not know that we had the vast array of choices we do and I never really analysed the flow on or more so the consequences that came from years and years of unconscious choices. Sometimes though, these choices were not entirely unconscious as there were times that I knew what could come from and most probably would come from my choices and actions. Regardless of the amazing parents I had or some of the more sensible friends I had, I was on a self destruct path because little did I know, I had made unconscious mental decisions some time ago that were setting me up for failure so I had to set about creating a match for that. It is my absolute reason for being here to shine light on universe or God or whatever you wish to call it, him or she, and cause you to awaken that inner part of you that knows all this as well as who you truly are and what you truly want right now and always to trust that voice whilst simultaneously trusting that you can have it, do it and be it.
How am I going to do this I ask myself??? Well I am going to start with me. I am going to take step by step each day and listen to my deeper knowing, she is so so smart and knows exactly what I want and what is needed. I am going to keep pulling myself up when I am being a dick. I am going to stop myself when I can feel that my knowing is telling me NO, don’t go there, you’ve been there before and it doesn’t bring you peace nor happiness. I am going to fight like a winner and I am going to push when I want to stop. I am also going to set myself up for success by acknowledging how and when to reward myself with a structure that allows for balance and a time for giving it all you’ve got. I am going to remind myself what success feels, smells and tastes like so that whenever I want to give up, I can remember that I can not only do this, but that I have got this. I am going to remind myself that not many go here and that’s not a reason to give up.I am going to give myself a taste of this success and also of what its going to take by giving the last 4 weeks of this year, all of me. If you want to join me I insist that you start by really asking yourself if this is what you truly want to do? If it is still a yes I want you to then ask yourself what percentage of yourself you will be giving to these next 4 weeks? and what playing at 100% looks like to you. Eg I will be allowing 100% of me to play full out in all areas of my life including my down time at the beach and time spent with loved ones. This may mean smashing half hour of exercise until you cant even lift your hands above your head, completing your business tasks you will set for the end of year, not bringing your phone out whilst with loved ones having dinner. What ever 100% looks like to you I insist you get really clear if this is what you really want to do. I want an environment that is conducive to winner me, not a scapegoat to be “comfortable”. Let me know who’s joining me by commenting on my facebookb or instagram posts.
Lots of love
Jac – Inspiring others and creating change.